Just a Wednesday Night

It's Wednesday night after my Encounter (Bible study)...something that I do every Wednesday night, but tonight in particular the Holy Spirit decided to speak loud and clear.

The last few weeks I've been thinking about all those things that I don't give over to the Lord every day. Some seem small...like what I'll talk to a client about or what movie Ben and I should watch for an evening. Others are bigger...like where my tithing money should go or what apostolate I should do next year.

Tonight the case we discussed was of a man whose family was in need for a temporary car seat for their two-year-old boy. The father, out of desperation and no luck, told his two little girls that they needed Mary's intercession to help them find a car seat. After making their request known to May, a few miles up the road they saw a sign for a garage sale and decided to look for a car seat. Mary had answered their prayers with a car seat that was exactly the boy's size for only $1!

The story struck me because of the man's faith and the smallness of the request. The powerful story penetrated my heart and confirmed that I don't give even the smallest of requests to the Lord. I'm reminded of a quote I have on my desktop that Ben gave me when I was in Australia: "I marvel at how often I forget that I have a loving Father who wants to do everything for me, and instead, I keep doing for myself." -- Fr. John Horn SJ. It is only through our father's desire to do things for us that our prayers are answered - even requests for help of our Mother Mary.

And how often do I decide something so small is not worth praying about...something even large is of no great concern to the Lord of Heaven and Earth. I find myself too, determining that I could ask for help from God and turn my problem over to Him, or I could just do it by myself. It confirms the pettiness of my faith in God and my doubt that my own prayer requests will be answered. I think most of all, my lack of trust that my Father does want to do everything for me breaks down to my confidence in his unending LOVE for me.

Around the same time, that I've been thinking about how much more I should be talking to God, asking of Jesus, giving over to the Trinity, I found my new favorite song: Open Me by Shawn McDonald.

When the song started playing on Pandora, I really didn't start paying attention until this line: "I want to serve you my God, I want to give you everything." The line tugged at me - my soul scream, "EXACTLY" - my eyes filled with small tears. They were the words that my soul was longing to say. I want to serve my Lord and I want to give him everything that I have - everything that I'm holding so dearly to: my money, my possessions, my relationship, my thoughts, my concerns, my weaknesses, my strengths, my LOVE, MY LIFE.

And I've done a poor job in the last few months of doing all of that...so worried about too many things, trying to accomplish too many things, just doing the bare minimum to survive and not giving it to the Lord so he can give me life fuller than surviving.

I don't have too many practical ideas of how to serve the Lord and give him everything, but I'm sure when I give him that concern, he will show me the way...the best way...the Lord's way.

I love these lines:
I want to serve You, my God
I want to give You everything
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, Yeah

Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won't You make me new, won't You make me true?
Jesus, won't You make me like You?

For your Additional Viewing Pleasure:
Video of Shawn speaking about his learning of Christ
It's beautiful to see another speak of how God loved them enough to speak to them right where they were at. Their faith gives me so much more faith in the Lord that is personal, loving and all powerful!